#23 - Christmas part 2

Today has been extremely hard. It's the first time in a long time that I just want to disappear and have the world forget about me. Sometimes I wonder if I should just leave everyone alone. I just feel like I should unburden everyone else from having to deal with me. I want to reach out and beg for help, but I can't. I can't drag other people down here with me. I can't drown them in this sea of emotion. It might wash me away, but at least I don't have to hurt anyone else in the process.  I just hide it. I keep it inside. I let it eat away at me. Eventually it will probably consume me and there will be none of the real me left, but there's nothing else I can do. This is my pain. I have to carry it. This pain is the punishment that I bear because of the hurt that I've made people feel. I feel broken and unlovable. I just hurt a lot. I just want someone to tell me that they care. Right now though my insides just feel empty. I just feel like the same of a person. I guess I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I don't want to be broken anymore.