#24 - Looking for Alaska

Tonight I had the opportunity to hang out with one of my favorite people, my friend Shelby (she has a wonderful blog by the way. You should check it out. It's called Collinswoah's Corner). We went to Half Proced Books and then sat at Panera and talked for a few hours. While we were at the book stores I recommended one of my favorite books, and she bought it. The book is Looking for Alaska by John Green. I absolutely love that book and think that everyone should read it at least once. It also includes one of my favorite passages ever written:

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."

I really identify with theses words. I think of myself as gawky and boring. I lack courage, especially when it comes to women. I also see myself as drizzle. The truth is though, if I really think about it, I have a lot to offer. Doesn't a hurricane start out as just a bit of drizzle. It takes time for it to build strength and reach its full potential. That's what this whole journey is about for me. I'm trying to build my self confidence. I'm trying to learn new skills that will help me deal with the road blocks and obstacles in my life. I'm trying to relate to the world around me in a new way. I am slowly becoming my own hurricane. Right now, I'm still pretty much a drizzle. I would be lying if I said that the Christmas holiday wasn't a bit of a set back. However even hurricanes can gain and lose strength. I will continue on this journey. I will be my own hurricane. I will become the strongest individual hurricane that I can.  Then, eventually, I will find another hurricane. When that happens, the world better watch out, because nothing is going to stop us. If it doesn't though, I'll still be a hell of a storm on my own.